Back from France – Going For Gold

Yes. I’m back from the golden beaches, smart sunglasses and bubbly bars of Le Sud De France. Tanned and happy and wondering why I have returned so soon. In the meantime, we appear to be, as ever, punching above our weight in the current four yearly hype fest called the Olympics.

So it’s time to celebrate. And on that subject, and bearing in mind I have to wean myself back into blogging on these pages carefully, warming up like an athlete and not running headlong into a long sprint only to pull a hamstring and fall over like a toddler, let me offer a short and succinct effort in lieu of my usual long and dreary non-sequiturfests. So without further ado, in fact with no ado at all to speak of, here is my ‘Going For Gold’ Olympic celebration.

So here is a very concise list of my top five Olympic words that have got bog all to do with the Olympics, have alternate meanings or that I just find amusing. So we must start with…

  1. Going For Gold. – Yes it’s a well known Olympic phrase but it’s also an awful but old amusing daytime quiz show, hosted by Henry Kelly then Sandy Toksvig where European nationals competed to answer quiz questions. In English! Bit unfair this, you might think, until you realised that most of the French, germans, Belgians and so on were better at English – and general knowledge – than most of the British contestants. Priceless.
  2. Marathon – not the long arduous road race run by people who look like they need a good meal but a superb chocolate bar known to all and eaten by many. I have done loads of marathons, like Eddie Izzard, I once did several in one day. Yum.
  3. Bronze – In this case not the medal that no-one wants unless they get it and then say it’s amazing. No, this bronze is the tanning colour favoured by the super-rich in San Tropez. I should know, I just went there! Don’t mistake this for mahogany, the colour favoured by David Dickinson. ~Natural sunlight never turns you the colour of an Edwardian sideboard.
  4. Floor Exercises – Yes we all know it’s all those lithe men and women rolling around and spinning in the air like leaves in a big wind. Amazingly us Brits just got a gold medal in it. WOW! However, to me it is a bit of Pilates on a Saturday morning, usually slightly hungover and a bit delicate.
  5. Opening Ceremony – Yes to you it’s the huge costly show where hundreds of cute children carry flags of all nations and an army of trained dogs make the shape of the olympic rings while some ageing pop star sings an adapted version of their greatest hit with the mic only working 50% of the time. To me it’s Sandy, owner of the Golden Pig Bar and Restaurant unlocking the doors at 12.00 on a Sunday and saying ‘Ah. Make a night of it did we?’ with a smirk while my friend B and I fight to get to the bar to grab a desperately needed Bloody-Mary.

Now. I’ve done my bit. Can you think of any Olympic words that mean something else to you? Or perhaps you broke a record recently, maybe the hundred feet dash to the bus, cutting your lawn in record time or throwing a wobbly. Whatever it is, post it on our Facebook page and get some likes. Yeah. See ya. Holly.

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