OK. Let’s get this straight lovely readers. I am not talking about Alan Titchmarsh and Monty Don here….mmmm…Monty Don….ahem…No. This is not, in any way, a serious, academic study of celebrity. After the hoo-haa and hum of last week’s election, I thought it was time to be frivolous (isn’t it always?) So this is a frothy look at flora related heroes of stage, screen, music and not much else. So, let’s get started.
1. Kate Bush
“Out on the wiley, windy moors… no-one cut the lawn”
The Kate Bush, or Artius Leotardius prefers North Yorkshire soil types, favouring particularly the wild and windy moors, though it was originally grown in the south of England. The attractive and wispy Kate Bush needs its own space to grow. Too much attention tends to make it close its petals and retreat. This precious and rare plant is prone to blossoming intermittently, often lying dormant for long periods before opening out briefly, providing a profusion of surprising and vibrant harmonic colour. Capable of putting out long, wavy tendrils that can run up that hill with no problem it enjoys plenty of irrigation, looking forward to a cloudburst immensely. When blossoming it certainly has the WOW factor and dogs, particularly hounds of love, are fond of this English rose. Any re-introduction into the wild should be done with care, preferably in a remote and craggy area like a heathy cliff.
2. Fern Britton
Previously known as the ‘This Morning Glory’ with the Latin name of Strictius Come-Dancifarius Ryvitatum this very popular and frequently spotted Fern has been re-classified several times, most recently as Novelistia- Midwiferus. This Fern is characterised by a curvaceous stem and previously had a propensity to blossom only early in the day. However, this highly attractive plant with a widespread appeal has now been been encouraged to bloom at different times of the day, and is a major ingredient in the culinary armoury of a TV chef, who has helped nurture the Fern Britton to a successful blossoming.
3. Robert Plant
An older variety of Plant, very popular in the seventies and incredibly prolific, though maturing now, the Robert Plant, or Wailius Harimanium , is a wild and free organism which will flourish in many climates, even over the hills and far away. Although it can be grown in many types of soil, the Robert Plant prefers to keep its roots in hard rock. It is easily damaged if trampled underfoot, although it is fairly hardy, even able to survive in the lands of ice and snow, as it does occasionally need coolin’. It tends to ramble on when left to grow and makes a distinctive high-pitched sound when the wind blows through its curly fronds. This Plant needs a whole lotta love to keep it growing and always keeps moving, whichever way the wind blows. If there’s a rustle in your hedgerow, that’ll be the Robert Plant.
4. John Nettles
With the Latin name Loveium-Midsomer Bergeracius this variety of Nettles originated in Cornwall but was also found in Jersey before being successfully transplanted to leafy middle England in where it flourished for many years, despite the murderous climate. This variety is not particularly spiky but fairly soft and gentle, but is known to nick you if you are not careful. It is easy to grow in sandy soils but is also very comfortable indoors, and is happiest on the boards. Now transplanted from Midsommer, it has not been seen so much in recent years but is bound to flourish again at some stage… or any stage.
5. Rowan Atkinson
A highly successful organism, the tall, slender Rowan, or Comedius Geniusi, has a number of different varieties, and is one of the few Rowans to produce a Bean. An amusing plant in appearance with spindly branches and a number of quirky characteristics, the Rowan is ideal for your garden as it brings a smile to any face. Care of the Rowan is fairly simple, with freeing of the roots and irrigation requiring Four Weedings And a Funnel. In some circumstances a symbiotic relationship can occur between the Rowan and a known pest, the Blackadder, which has a tendency to hide in its branches and hiss at passers by. But do not worry, as any problems with the Blackadder can be solved by hatching a cunning plan to remove it. One of these is to draw a thin blue line a round the stem, as the Blackadder will not cross it. A plant that growers are very fond of, well, love actually, the Rowan Atkinson is seen and enjoyed all over the world, and the spindly Bean variety is incredibly popular on the continent.
So. There you have it. That’s our top five celebrity plants. If you have any of your own, why not drop in on our Facebook page, www.facebook.com/mowdirect and share it with our friends and us. See ya. Holly.
