What’s in a name? Well… a great deal actually. I mean, we all have names, Sometimes two or three. I have friends who have far more. Like my good pal Matt, Alex, Shay, Bill, David, Tony, Pat, Bobby, Nobby, George, Brian John, Jimmy… I don’t know why his father didn’t just call him Man Utd 1968 European Cup Winners Smith and have done with it. We laugh at names, forget names, some parents make up children’s names with a terrifyingly casual avoidance of good taste (Sharpay, Angelfire and Banjo anybody?) and create nicknames with a creative zeal that amazes me. I know a chap from the local called Apple Andy ‘cos he works in a greengrocer, then there’s Bob-Not-Dave who is so-called because the landlord was always getting his name wrong and then there’s my lovely elderly neighbour across the road, once a bespoke Gentlemen’s tailor who everyone in the area called Lord of the Flies.
We feel it appropriate to name our pets, our ships, our cars, sometimes our even parts of the body. My brother’s first three chest hairs were nicknamed Freeman, Hardy and Willis by a girlfriend, my friend Dave calls his van, Morrison and my colleague Holly has a cat called Bob. Bob is a female. That’s Holly for you, confused.
And names can cause problems. There is another Drew Hardy locally and I once got his doctor’s appointment.That could have been nasty. The other day I read an overheard conversation where some young girl on a bus was saying, “No, Tom Hardy from out of the New Mad Max wasn’t in Far from the Madding Crowd, but he did write it… er… no… er… sort of !
Eddie Stobart has named every lorry in the company, including the very first one to be given a boy’s name as a memorial for Lee Rigby .
Names are important and the right name carries weight and character. Let’s face it Royal Navy boats, despite being referred to as ‘she’ are often given macho, testosterone filled names like HMS Avenger, Defiant, Destruction and Dreadnought; names that fill your heart with fear when you see them coming at you at 40 knots, guns a-blazing. Would you feel the same if the battleship ‘having at you’ was called The Doris? I think not. Names conjure up images. Brett… manly, rugged, outdoorsy, Tarquin… prissy, posh, a bit fay, Bill, dependable, honest, your best mate in a crisis. See what I mean?
It therefore goes without saying that your precious Lawn Mower, whether a ride-on, a self-propelled model or even a robot mower, (perhaps especially a robot model ) should have a name and a name that suits.
You could go down the pun route…how about a Westwood called Vivienne or a or maybe a Bosch called Hieronymus or really go down the great road of cheese like Holly who once had a Mower called Patrick. (One for people of a certain age).
The other way to go is to pick a name that says something about the character of the mower. Does it stutter and splutter? Call it Claudius. Does it cut beautifully into the corner and leave you with a lawn like green baize? Call it Rocket Ronnie or perhaps it struggles to get across the grass these days and breaks down half way, call it Gazza.
Just don’t get too involved, like me with my record breaking machine- it can take over your life…
Mow Farrah chilling with his friends… Blake the Rake and Joe Strimmer.
One of my good friend’s parents had a robot mower called Gerald, a rather louche, Whiskey and Soda type of name that makes me think of a Leslie Philips character. This seemed appropriate as the mower was British Racing Green and would amble around the garden in a kind of a haphazard, sozzled kind of way before attempting a bit of half-arsed mowing and then trying to mount the clothes line post.
Other suitable names for robot mowers might be RoboCrop, Robbie the MowBot. Or what about Croptimus Prime or R2Mow2? Or even… well, enough, I’m sure you can find your own names. In the meantime don’t forget the name you choose should say something about your mower. My Father’s battered old Atco was efficient but noisy and would backfire occasionally so as kids we called it ‘Cutty Cutty Bang Bang’. Ahhh. Anyway, good luck and don’t forget to enjoy your garden.
Drew Hardy
