Dick’s timely blog yesterday, discussing Christmas shopping, pointing out that we all want to get the right gift for our loved ones, telling us to get online, click away on our mice (mouses?), was a good wake up call for the three weeks before Christmas rush.
He was, sensibly as ever, suggesting we take a look at some of MowDirect’s Top 50 Christmas gifts and take full advantage of the FREE delivery.
This reminds me that it’s time for my usual casual stroll down to the MowDirect poetry grotto, to sift through Santa’s sack of spurious songs and silly verses and come up with something cheap and cheerful to offer you in the way of a pre-Christmas rhyme.
And, just in case you missed it, it’s ONLY THREE WEEKS AWAY!
Now. It would be wonderful if there were hundreds of well known Christmas poems and songs that were out of copyright to riff on, but sadly there is pretty much just ‘The Night Before Christmas’ and ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’, which is actually a song but everyone knows it well enough to lampoon. So I tend to deconstruct these in rotation.
One could, of course, use carols but in these days of instant Twitter offence , I would hate to upset anyone by lampooning a religious song, I mean where would you go with that? God Rest Ye Mowing Gentlemen? Hark the Herald Angels Strim? While Shepherds Dug Their Plots By Night? I think not.
‘The Night Before Christmas It is’… again. Ladies and Gentlemen. I will attempt to re-imagine Dick’s blog from yesterday in the medium of poetry… sort of. Stand back, this could get messy.
Three Weeks Before Christmas
Twas three weeks before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a sound could be heard but the click of a mouse.
It was our old friend Dick, writing blogs in the night
To help folks buy their presents and get the job right.
As he quite rightly says, “it’s a pain when a gift
Doesn’t fit you or suit you or give you a lift.”
And he then points out simply, in words plain and true
That our MowDirect Gift Store has something for you.
There’s the Mitox Grass-trimmer, the 25C
It’s a standout machine, as I know you’ll agree.
It makes short work of long grass and makes long jobs quicker
And it’s VERY low priced now now at 79 knicker!
Then there’s Einhell’s top BG-MT Petrol Tiller
A little too large to be your stocking filler,
But ready to work and rugged and tough.
Engineered in Germany, they know their stuff
And here’s a surprise, something you’ll think is nice,
Like that Christmas film title, It’s a Wonderful Price,
£249 and 95p
That’s 200 squids below the RRP!
And what about this, from our friends in The States,
Powerful but still fitting through smaller gates,
But made for big lawns, fun to drive and key started
Lawnflite’s 2-in-1 Ride-On, come on be big hearted…
…And buy one for him or for her, for you see
You’ll get premium service, delivery FREE.
At 1199 sterling, the price is divine
Soon your lawns will be green and pristine, just like mine.
And with that Dick sprang up and roared to the rafter
“MowDirect offers value and service long after
You’ve bought, so buy practical it’s very now.
Click on MowDirect and we’ll help show you how.
Shop Mitox or Lawnflite, or Einhell or Flymo
Buy Redback, or Oleo-Mac and shop Al-Ko.
Go Mountfield, go Simplicity or Tanaka
go Snap up a Snapper or shop for a Stiga.
Our brands are all waiting our prices are lowly
Shop quickly, click fast or just browse and shop slowly.
With fast FREE delivery on every item
Our deals and appeal go on Ad Infinitum.”
Then he sprang to his ride-on, and shouted “I’m gone”
And his ride-on took off and flew over the lawn.
But I heard him shout out as he zipped out of sight
“Happy Christmas from me, and to all a good-night!”
So there you go. And, apart from the little bit at the end, it’s all true. We are offering FREE delivery on all items, every petrol machine comes with FREE oil and all ride-ons and tractors come with our FREE Premium Delivery Service, arriving checked, tuned, tested, polished and ready to go.
So it’s not so much three weeks to Christmas as FREE weeks to Christmas. Enjoy and get clicking. See Ya! Holly.
