Now. I’m a patio man. I’m proud of what I am. Never mind your decking, outdoor linoleum or ‘let’s open up the windows so we can pretend outside is inside’ or vise versa, – a patio is the only way to say ‘I am outside, master of all I have paid good money to lay. I am not in my sitting room watching Goggle-box or ruining my tendons playing Candy-Crush, I am embracing the breeze, the pollen, the flies, the mosquitoes and the next door neighbour’s attempts to spray his roses whilst gargling the latest hit by Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds.’
The word patio is believed in some quarters (mine) to be derived, originally from the Latin Patere, meaning ‘to lie open’ or, as others believe (Mrs Drew) it is derived from the ancient British for ‘Place where all the crap goes that you don’t want on the lawn, where your flipping friends go to smoke and throw their dog-ends in my fuscia and where that blasted cat will insist on leaving everything from bits of dessicated mouse to half-eaten rabbits’ heads.’
However, when I am on my patio, the world is my lobster, all life is good and you could even slap me on it (As Morrissey the great Manchester poet and back-pocket human flower-pot once suggested) and I’d merely turn the other cheek and park it on my lovely, oiled cedarwood bench.
So. Don’t forget about your patio. Those concrete slabs that you and your mate Liam from the Dog and Trumpet slaved to carry and lay down will feel the love if you offer it to them. So here, from our extensive database of ‘stuff you might want to embrace’, are a few ways coax your patio into becoming THE place to be again as the longer nights kick in and your thoughts turn to pink wine, cold beer, left over chicken and various friends who you only invite around at this time of year because you don’t trust them to eat or drink inside your house.
1. Clear your patio of any furniture, toys, broken twigs, branches, pots and plants and give it a good sweep with a stiff brush. Try brushing the cracks to remove loose weeds.
2. Carry out some more judicious and deep weeding. If you have loose paving slabs, get a weeding tool to remove the weeds between slabs.
3. If you have a pressure washer, this is the time to get it out and carry out a deep clean of your stones or slabs. Most pressure washers will have the appropriate tool, a ‘fan’ type spray for general cleaning and a ‘high-pressure’ nozzle for stubborn stains. Some even have special patio cleaners with enclosed brushes and nozzle to avoid splash-back.
Spray it like you mean it!
N.B. Always make sure you look at the manual and follow manufacturers instructions before carrying out this task – high pressure nozzles can cause damage to some materials if used incorrectly.
4. Now check for serious cracks and holes. Tap away loose concrete and create good areas for filler. Fill cracks where necessary with fresh mortar.
5. Clean your patio furniture. Again, if appropriate use the pressure washer on plastic and wood (again make sure you read the instructions) or scrub down wooden furniture and re-varnish or protect it.
6. Now. put everything back, perhaps invest in some new pot plants and enjoy your outdoor space before the winter rolls around again.
And then stand back and enjoy. Summer is ‘a-cumin in’ eventually so… enjoy your garden – and your patio. Drew Hardy.
